He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
