Need sex. Gaining weight.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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