She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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