there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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