in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
