i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize