so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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