People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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