where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
