Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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