I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize