He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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