When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
