20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
