I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize