Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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