how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
