I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
