I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
These tits shall not be calmed
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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