i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
