so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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