oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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