he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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