he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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