If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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