God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
