And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
