apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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