you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
