Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
