Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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