meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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