your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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