atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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