Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
