I can text with my tongue
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
