sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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