i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
