I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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