Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
