When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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