WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
