New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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