haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
