New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
