So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i came on her dog
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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