She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
