Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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