ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize