Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
