that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
