He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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