hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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