so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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