You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize