Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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