I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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