my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
