the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
