she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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