I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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