false alarm. still invincible.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
