she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
