I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
