I'm passing your future prison.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
