my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
