I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
