we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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